Accomplishment Coaching

I discovered Pema Chodron a few years ago.  She’s an American Buddhist nun and author.  Quite a combination.  In her book,  Comfortable with Uncertainty , one of the chapters really struck me.  It talks about three strategies we use that, however much we believe they work, really sabotage us:

Attacking

We’ve all been with that colleague who’s typical response to the familiar “how was your weekend” question on Monday morning is, “Why didn’t you get that report done on Friday?”  Kind of like the sucker punch your older cousin would give you at family gatherings – doesn’t really do any long-term damage, but it sure hurts in the moment.  Ever wonder what that colleague has left unfinished?  Think about it.

Indulging

Comfort, is what Chodron points to directly.  Comfort with the how many clients you have.  Comfort with how sales have gone or how your engineering team only had to delay the project one day.  Comfort that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday.  The moment you say “I know” or “The economy is having an impact” is the moment you’ve completely embraced your indulgence.

Ignoring

I have a friend who, no matter where we are, stops to pick up trash.  My clear and unconscious action is to simply walk by it.  What’s the difference?  My friend sees that every action he takes has an impact.  I ignore trash on the street largely because I feel it won’t make a difference.  In those moments I’m ignoring the difference I make.  If we take the conversation beyond trash, where else do I ignore making a difference?

An Alternative Strategy – Experience your resistance

There’s a wonderful mechanism that lies toward the base of our brain called the amygdala.  Its primary role is the processing and memory of emotional reactions.  It’s the part of us that creates 100% of our resistance.  You know the resistance to falling, drowning, or being attacked.  It’s the part of us that triggers the automatic reaction that tries to fix the perceived danger. 

It also creates the resistance to change, to being responsible, to making that sales call, to having that difficult conversation, or to believe you actually make THAT big a difference.  And when things don’t go well, it’s the part of us that tries to immediately fix it.

This alternative strategy suggests we don’t fix it – that we simply experience our resistance.  Since most of what we do in business isn’t life threatening (contrary to the story your overly-caffeinated amygdala professes), we might actually learn something by experiencing our resistance.

The next time you react to a situation at work, imagine what new questions you might ask if you simply notice the resistance rather than try to appease it.  What new behaviors might develop if you practiced waiting two or three minutes to respond?  What if you actually noticed how much time and artistry you waste when you protect yourself from doing the real work by checking your email 50 times a day?  How much wisdom would develop and how much ego would go away?

Leadership Practices:

1. Keep a journal for one week.  Record all the times you attack, indulge and ignore.
2. Practice experiencing your resistance.  Actually tell yourself to just sit with the situation for a few minutes.  Write down your experience.
3. Ask a friend or colleague to point out when you react to something.  I.e. have them tell you when you attack, indulge or ignore.  Make sure not to attack them in the process.
4. Look for the wisdom in the immediate situation.  I.e. ask yourself “In this situation, what is there for me to learn and to teach?”

Leadership isn’t something you’re born with or without.  It’s a calling.  You’re more than qualified to accept it.

Happy Lizard Brains,

-Coach Preston

A colleague of mine shared a very interesting perspective with me today.  She said, “Sometimes I’m so paralyzed by the fear, it seems like there’s no way around it.”  Man, did I ever get it.

How many times have we been in a situation with no visible escape hatch from the fear?  You try to run and hide, but the fear is so BIG it’s already moved into your favorite and reliable hiding place.  Crud.

This is an exhausting game I play… the one called “try to dodge my fear.”  Working lots of hours, waking up in the middle of the night, worrying about being worried – these are just several expressions of running away from it.

Then my colleague said, “I’ve gotten exhausted too Preston.  But I’ve come up with something that seems to help.  Rather than try to avoid the fear, I’ve made up a game called ‘Making a game of failing’.”

Huh?

Consider it this way – we spend so much time (and resources) trying to avoid our fears that we rarely stop to ask what we’re afraid of.  99% of the time the thing we most fear is failure.  And the game our culture plays is called “pin the tail on the failure.”  No wonder it’s so frightening.  Who’d want a tail pinned on them?  The thing is, no matter what version of this game I play, I’m always frightened of failing.

So now what? 

Here’s a spin on the game.  Rather than trying to avoid the failure, make a game of failing.  That’s right, actually make a game of failing.  For example, I’m going to call 10 prospects and actually have fun with them saying “no”.  How come?  Because when I turn it into a new game, I take the pressure off.  It’s so much easier to fail!  It takes away 99% of the significance. 

The side benefits of this game: a) I’ll always win because I’ll fail, and b) some of those prospects will actually say “yes”.  I get to feel better and get some new clients.

Leadership Practices:

1. Stop pretending your not afraid.
2. Notice how much you avoid so you can stay away from failure.
3. Ask, “What am I really afraid of anyway?”
4. Turn failing into a winning game by trying to fail.  It’s actually a lot harder to do when you look at it this way.

Remember, all you’re doing is shifting the framework or lens through which you interpret failure.  Like me, you’re still going to fail.  Why not have some fun with it instead of drowning in significance.

Happy Strikeouts,

-Coach Preston

What risks have you taken today?  Friday is an easy day to coast.

What’s possible if you finished out your week with a few risky actions?  You know, calling that scary prospect; having that important conversation; making a bold promise for next week.

Stop waiting not to fail.  You might just produce something you’ve been hoping to produce.

Have a great weekend,

-Coach Preston

Five years ago, a friend asked me what time it was just before he noticed a clock on the wall behind me.  I said, “It’s 3pm.”  Jeff asked, “Are you sure?  The clock behind you says 2:55.”  I replied, “I set my watch five minutes fast to ensure I’m on time.”  Jeff said, “That’s weird Preston.  Why don’t you just set your watch to the correct time and simply show up when you’re supposed to?”

That day, nothing made quite as much sense as his comment.

I going to offer you three invitations:

1. Consider “time management” is an oxymoron
2. We don’t understand the real challenges we have with time
3. Using just three leadership tools will change your relationship with time

Invitation #1 – Time Management is an oxymoron.  Management is the oversight of already established processes and making sure the moving parts follow those processes.  This is useful in running the operations of a business.  But in regard to time, not so much.  In other words, if you’re already on the Titanic (i.e. your current relationship with time), does it really matter how efficiently you operate the boat?

What is it about our relationship to time?  We have thousands of books on the “best” strategies and tactics that will allow us to get more done in less time.

So why is it that we still show up late?  Why is it that we continue to break our agreements to start and end meetings and presentations on time?

When I Google the term “time management strategies”, I get 21 million results.  Here’s a list I found from one of the recent search results:

1. Don’t waste time
2. Carry a notebook
3. Keep a calendar
4. Work everywhere and anywhere
5. Break all tasks into small bits
6. Learn to say “no”

Like so many of the well-intentioned suggestions, the first five are 100% useless.  The only one that holds any merit is number 6: “learn to say ‘no’.”

Invitation #2 – With so many potential solutions that fail to produce results, what’s the real challenge?   Although there are many, the following three seem to be the most common:

1. We make up a story that time is the thing to be fixed. In other words, we put the responsibility of remedying our whacky relationship to time on a particular strategy or tactic; on something outside of ourselves. In doing this, we effectively wash our hands of our responsibility to change our behavior. If you show up late to a meeting, it’s much easier to blame your Crackberry than admit you overbooked yourself.
2. We consistently and reliably measure our self-worth and value by how much we do. Most organizations uphold a culture I call “Let’s reward them for physical labor.” It’s as if the one who trades the most amount of time for his paycheck, wins. How often have you heard someone lament about how busy he is? Give me a break; nothing of value comes from agonizing and complaining.
3. We make the tragic mistake of asking “how to” rather than “why?” When we ask “how to”, it’s as if we’ve been walking blindfolded and then find our hand has fallen off the shoulder of the person in front of us. “How to” insists we find a solution to a problem which automatically puts us in a defensive or reactive stance. On the other hand, asking “why” has us define where we are in relationship to our commitment. It invites us to clarify our intention and purpose. Asking “how to” is a default question of a follower. Asking “why” is a default question of a leader.

Invitation #3 – Three Leadership tools to use regarding time:

1. Give up the crippling story that keeps you small and scared; the story called “I need to get an ‘A’ in order to succeed” (I need to be perfect). This is the story you’ve been taught by Mom & Dad and by twelve or more years of school. This is the story called “you must follow the instructions in order to succeed”. Why is this a losing story? You’ve learned to value your worth by following an instruction manual. Rather go be a creative artist who follows his or her passion and commitment.
2. Have the courage to say “yes” or “no” – then stick with your choice. It’s like the story of the father, the son and the donkey walking through a village. They keep switching positions based on feedback from the villagers. Eventually, the donkey slips out of father’s hands while on the bridge and drowns. They avoided sticking with their choice. The moral of story = if you fail to choose and stick with your choice, you’ll lose your #%&.
3. Use a Top Six Checklist and Plan Tomorrow Today. “To-do” lists are 100% useless. You may complete five tasks today, but you’ll add ten more as well – a prison sentence for sure. Instead, list the six most important things you want to accomplish tomorrow, and complete that list the day before. You will probably not get all six done, and tomorrow’s six will likely be different. Accomplishing all six isn’t the point. The power of this tool is that it invites you to identify what your six most important commitments are, then take action only on those. “To-Do” lists are for prisoners. A Top Six Checklist is for leaders. If you’d like a copy of my Top Six Checklist, please email me at preston@prestontrue.com and request a copy for me to send.

Please remember just this one thing:  The real solutions I’ve outlined are NEVER based in content or subject matter.  They are ALWAYS based in context, or the lens through which we see and interact with our world.  Our job is to identify what our current lens is, then choose to change it or not.

Remember, trying to manage time is like rearranging the deck furniture on the Titanic… although it might look better it’s still going to sink. 

Time Leadership is about changing boats.

Happy Boating,

- Coach Preston

What do dogs, Joseph Campbell and enlightment all have in common?

Find out at by listening to the latest installment of Everyday Leaders by clicking here, or simply clicking on the BlogTalkRadio player in the right column at www.prestontrue.com.

Just like any leadership initiative, purpose is more important than perfection – enjoy the interview and the technical bumps Samadi Demme and I experienced along the way. 

Happy Leadership,

-Coach Preston