Accomplishment Coaching

I discovered Pema Chodron a few years ago.  She’s an American Buddhist nun and author.  Quite a combination.  In her book,  Comfortable with Uncertainty , one of the chapters really struck me.  It talks about three strategies we use that, however much we believe they work, really sabotage us:

Attacking

We’ve all been with that colleague who’s typical response to the familiar “how was your weekend” question on Monday morning is, “Why didn’t you get that report done on Friday?”  Kind of like the sucker punch your older cousin would give you at family gatherings – doesn’t really do any long-term damage, but it sure hurts in the moment.  Ever wonder what that colleague has left unfinished?  Think about it.

Indulging

Comfort, is what Chodron points to directly.  Comfort with the how many clients you have.  Comfort with how sales have gone or how your engineering team only had to delay the project one day.  Comfort that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday.  The moment you say “I know” or “The economy is having an impact” is the moment you’ve completely embraced your indulgence.

Ignoring

I have a friend who, no matter where we are, stops to pick up trash.  My clear and unconscious action is to simply walk by it.  What’s the difference?  My friend sees that every action he takes has an impact.  I ignore trash on the street largely because I feel it won’t make a difference.  In those moments I’m ignoring the difference I make.  If we take the conversation beyond trash, where else do I ignore making a difference?

An Alternative Strategy – Experience your resistance

There’s a wonderful mechanism that lies toward the base of our brain called the amygdala.  Its primary role is the processing and memory of emotional reactions.  It’s the part of us that creates 100% of our resistance.  You know the resistance to falling, drowning, or being attacked.  It’s the part of us that triggers the automatic reaction that tries to fix the perceived danger. 

It also creates the resistance to change, to being responsible, to making that sales call, to having that difficult conversation, or to believe you actually make THAT big a difference.  And when things don’t go well, it’s the part of us that tries to immediately fix it.

This alternative strategy suggests we don’t fix it – that we simply experience our resistance.  Since most of what we do in business isn’t life threatening (contrary to the story your overly-caffeinated amygdala professes), we might actually learn something by experiencing our resistance.

The next time you react to a situation at work, imagine what new questions you might ask if you simply notice the resistance rather than try to appease it.  What new behaviors might develop if you practiced waiting two or three minutes to respond?  What if you actually noticed how much time and artistry you waste when you protect yourself from doing the real work by checking your email 50 times a day?  How much wisdom would develop and how much ego would go away?

Leadership Practices:

1. Keep a journal for one week.  Record all the times you attack, indulge and ignore.
2. Practice experiencing your resistance.  Actually tell yourself to just sit with the situation for a few minutes.  Write down your experience.
3. Ask a friend or colleague to point out when you react to something.  I.e. have them tell you when you attack, indulge or ignore.  Make sure not to attack them in the process.
4. Look for the wisdom in the immediate situation.  I.e. ask yourself “In this situation, what is there for me to learn and to teach?”

Leadership isn’t something you’re born with or without.  It’s a calling.  You’re more than qualified to accept it.

Happy Lizard Brains,

-Coach Preston

A colleague of mine shared a very interesting perspective with me today.  She said, “Sometimes I’m so paralyzed by the fear, it seems like there’s no way around it.”  Man, did I ever get it.

How many times have we been in a situation with no visible escape hatch from the fear?  You try to run and hide, but the fear is so BIG it’s already moved into your favorite and reliable hiding place.  Crud.

This is an exhausting game I play… the one called “try to dodge my fear.”  Working lots of hours, waking up in the middle of the night, worrying about being worried – these are just several expressions of running away from it.

Then my colleague said, “I’ve gotten exhausted too Preston.  But I’ve come up with something that seems to help.  Rather than try to avoid the fear, I’ve made up a game called ‘Making a game of failing’.”

Huh?

Consider it this way – we spend so much time (and resources) trying to avoid our fears that we rarely stop to ask what we’re afraid of.  99% of the time the thing we most fear is failure.  And the game our culture plays is called “pin the tail on the failure.”  No wonder it’s so frightening.  Who’d want a tail pinned on them?  The thing is, no matter what version of this game I play, I’m always frightened of failing.

So now what? 

Here’s a spin on the game.  Rather than trying to avoid the failure, make a game of failing.  That’s right, actually make a game of failing.  For example, I’m going to call 10 prospects and actually have fun with them saying “no”.  How come?  Because when I turn it into a new game, I take the pressure off.  It’s so much easier to fail!  It takes away 99% of the significance. 

The side benefits of this game: a) I’ll always win because I’ll fail, and b) some of those prospects will actually say “yes”.  I get to feel better and get some new clients.

Leadership Practices:

1. Stop pretending your not afraid.
2. Notice how much you avoid so you can stay away from failure.
3. Ask, “What am I really afraid of anyway?”
4. Turn failing into a winning game by trying to fail.  It’s actually a lot harder to do when you look at it this way.

Remember, all you’re doing is shifting the framework or lens through which you interpret failure.  Like me, you’re still going to fail.  Why not have some fun with it instead of drowning in significance.

Happy Strikeouts,

-Coach Preston

What risks have you taken today?  Friday is an easy day to coast.

What’s possible if you finished out your week with a few risky actions?  You know, calling that scary prospect; having that important conversation; making a bold promise for next week.

Stop waiting not to fail.  You might just produce something you’ve been hoping to produce.

Have a great weekend,

-Coach Preston

A plug for two guys who make a world of difference in Detroit…Charlie Wollborg and Terry Bean:

If you’re interested in hearing more than 25 top-notch, local experts unload powerful ideas and insight into business, success and passion, you’ll want to attend Motor City Connect’s Third Annual Birthday Bash this Friday from 1pm to 5pm at the Troy Community Center, 3179 Livernois, Troy, MI 48083.

Please visit http://motorcityconnect.com/expospeakers.html for more information and the speaker line-up.

Happy Networking and Growing,

- Coach Preston

What do dogs, Joseph Campbell and enlightment all have in common?

Find out at by listening to the latest installment of Everyday Leaders by clicking here, or simply clicking on the BlogTalkRadio player in the right column at www.prestontrue.com.

Just like any leadership initiative, purpose is more important than perfection – enjoy the interview and the technical bumps Samadi Demme and I experienced along the way. 

Happy Leadership,

-Coach Preston