Accomplishment Coaching

I had a really inspiring and intriguing conversation with a business colleague last week. We met to as a “get to know you” meeting and share ideas on supporting one another. As I was explaining a bit of who I am, I mentioned my recent “spiritual” journey on becoming Catholic.

Now judgment about various denominations aside, our conversation quickly turned to one of the differences between religion and spirituality and the various ways people do or do not practice, believe, or LEVERAGE spirituality in business and life.

I capitalize the word LEVERAGE for a reason and here it is: Spirituality is one of the most overlooked resources we have in tapping into OUR OWN power and that of others. My opinion is that we overlook it because we’ve done a terrific job of putting “spirituality” into the category of “religion”. And that’s a conversation for another day.

Consider this – people avoid being fully connected to the following: Self, Others and God/Spirit/Universe/Life. This happens in three automatic and predictable ways:

1) We focus on SELF only – this leaves us isolated, protected and perhaps connected to our self, but not always. We are definitely protected from OTHERS and/or the DIVINE. We likely know people like this – they make lots of demands and rarely inquire about you or how they can help or support you.

2) We focus on OTHERS only – this has us be subservient, giving ourselves and our power to others, leaving us unserved, and/or disconnected from our SELF and/or the DIVINE. We also know people who are so focused on others that they consistently give away all of their power and remain stuck in their lives.

3) We create a short-cut from SELF to DIVINE – this looks like people trying to get to personal enlightenment by avoiding people or certain people. These might be the people we know who profess their connection to the Divine yet shun any contact, support or community with other people.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with any of the above. They are all possible ways of interacting with people and the rest of the world.

And when we focus only on one of those areas, it’s the way we completely deny full power and possibility in our lives (and businesses).

So here’s a suggestion – the most powerful relationship we can have is this model:

a) Draw a triangle on a piece of paper
b) Label one corner Self, one corner Others, and one corner Divine (however you define that)
c) Know that the ideal shape of the triangle is one that is equilateral – all sides and angles equal

When we’re connected to Self, Others and the Divine in an equal manner (or at least striving for that), we step completely into our full power and possibility. We see every connection as a pathway to the other connections.

So how come we’d want to have it this way? It all boils down to connection:

· Without connection to our Self, we lack self-awareness that’s so critical to our business and personal success.
· Without connection to Others, we’ll never move beyond a predictable result…we’ll shun the concept of synergy that supports breakthrough results.
· Without connection to the Divine, we throw out our belief of and action motivated by Faith = “the willingness to move forward without any proof or evidence that it will work”.

Here are a few questions to explore this concept further:

1) Where and when do I avoid other people?
2) Where and when do I blame other people or situations for my present circumstances?
3) Where do I give away my power to external factors such as “the economy” or “the industry” or “my prospects”?
4) Where do I depend entirely upon others to move projects forward?
5) What scares me about Divine/Spirit/God/Life/Universe?
6) What’s possible for me if I were connected to all three: Self, Others, Divine?

There’s likely a reason you’re involved in the business, personal and spiritual communities in which you are because you’re seeking connection – connection to results both personally and professionally.

Take some time this week to explore where you’re not connected. Once identified, create some action to get connected. Call up a past business colleague. Call your family. Go to church. Read a book. Meditate. Go out for a few beers with a buddy. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Acknowledge someone. Get a massage.

You’ll be amazed at how connected you really are.

Happy Connection,
-Coach Preston

Yesterday, a business acquaintance emailed me a Forbes.com article about America’s top miserable cities. Detroit made it to the top of the list along with Stockton, CA in second and Flint, MI in third. I can’t be more excited to live in a region with that designation. Doesn’t it make you feel terrific? “-)

And then I got to thinking. Who’s writing this article? Does s/he live in Detroit? Has s/he ever been to Detroit outside of a layover at Metro Airport? Or is this someone who simply gets paid to research a topic, form an opinion solely from the research, and then write about it?

My guess is it’s the latter.

And that’s okay. Here’s a “formula” that may explain why it’s okay:

In every moment of every day, we form opinions about our experiences. Those opinions often morph themselves into beliefs. Those beliefs often morph themselves into judgments. Those judgments often morph themselves into behavior (Experience + Opinion + Beliefs + Judgments = Behavior).

If we look at the Forbes writer scenario, he did research (experience), created conclusions about the research (opinion), chose to create a compelling article he felt had merit (belief), took a convincing stance to prove that Detroit is a bad place (judgment), then wrote and published the article (behavior). Pretty good example of the formula in action.

Here’s another example of that formula in action:

1. Three people meet and share their vision of what’s working and not working in Detroit (experience).
2. These three people see in one another a connection and common inspiration (opinion).
3. These three people share their commitment that Detroit can be, and will be, on the list of America’s most desirable cities (belief).
4. These three people make a declaration that there are more people who believe in the city and who are willing to take action (judgment).
5. These three people begin enrolling many others in their vision and creating a structure to support that vision (behavior).

And then Motor City Connect was formed. And Detroit Synergy. And others.

These are organizations and people who live, sleep, eat, work, love, prosper and believe in one another and their geographical home.

Organizations and people committed to changing the image of Detroit.

Organizations and people that (in my opinion) welcome “bad-mouthing” masqueraded as a legitimate “news” article because that type of press only strengthens our belief, mission and behavior.

So Mr. Badenhausen, please continue your research and opinions and judgements and writing. Please write more about how “miserable” Detroit and other cities and regions are. And keep doing it from your far away office; the one that offers you no other experience of these places other than an Internet connection.

Your words simply offer us more inspiration.

Happy Possibility,

-Coach Preston

I fly to Seattle once a month to make a difference in that community through coaching. I get totally fired up about my trips – an amazing city with lots of coffee and microbrewed beers, nice people who could use a smile or two, and an opportunity to make a difference with a bunch of people committed to changing the world.

And then I get the priviledge of standing next to Tom Toughguy at the security checkpoint. Then I get the priviledge of being in front of Kathy Kwiktemper in the jetway. Then I get the priviledge of being seated next to Kevin Komplainer.

And then, if you’re at all like me, you wonder how come the flight crew DOESN’T greet me with a truly warm smile when I board the airplane.

Here’s how I see it:

- Everyday they risk their lives flying on an airplane. Yeah, the big metal objects in the sky that gravity really loves.
- Everyday they risk their well-being by breathing in the jet fuel exhaust and passenger germs.
- Everyday they risk their livelihood by catching their tempers just in time before taking that pain in the butt passenger and tossing them out the rear exit door.
- Everyday they risk their sanity by choosing to put on some sort of smile for EVERY single passenger as they depart the plane.

I’ve got it that these people are more than just the flight crew. They’re more than just a $5 beer or cocktail. They’re more than coffee, tea or milk.

These people are our overlooked heros. They assure us that everything is okay when we hit turbulence, take away our trash so we’re not spending 3-6 hours with a half-eaten Big Mac, and prop a pillow behind our heads so we can get a few minutes of rest.

Who are your overlooked heros? When was the last time you called one and just said “Thanks for being in my life”? When was the last time you sent one a note simply telling them that you were thinking of them? When was the last time you invited one to your home for dinner?

And, when was the last time you gave the gift of acknowledgement and appreciation to a flight crew even though your cancelled and re-routed flight got delayed?

Go catch some bees with honey.

Happy Gratitude,
- Coach Preston
http://www.breakyoursilence.com/

I had a terrific conversation with a colleague of mine this week. We were planning for an event later this month and discussing a location for the event.

In the conversation, my colleague disclosed that he had much greater plans for the future of the group to which we both belong. These plans included having our group be part of making Detroit a place that thrives rather than survives. It wasn’t just about networking and hob-knobbing with the soon-to-be-rich-and-famous.

I was totally inspired by his comments and his vision. And I wondered how come he had been keeping this from me.

I was wondering this not so much because I cared if I did or didn’t qualify to be “in the know”, but if he’s kept this from me, he’s likely kept it from many others. If that’s the case, how is he truly going to make the difference he’s committed to making?

So where are you holding back in your business and life? What plans, visions and aspirations are you withholding from all but a select few? What’s the fear that has you withhold? What are you concerned will happen?

Many of us withhold information and ideas for one reason: we imagine people will think we’re silly or heading in the “wrong” direction. A slightly different version of that is “I’m scared I’ll be wrong”.

Guess what? It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way and it’s surely okay to be scared. Last time I checked, that was a required emotion as a human being.

And will you allow that to stop you?

Take a moment and consider what would be possible if you were to share your plans, your vision, and your aspirations with everyone. Then ask the following questions:

1) What fear would I conquer simply by sharing?
2) How much more money might I earn?
3) How many more prospective clients might show up?
4) How many more people might I enroll in supporting my plans, vision and aspirations?
5) For how many people would I make a difference?
6) What would all of that give me?

Practice sharing (in detail!) how you are taking action to make a difference in this world. Practice sharing how much your business will grow this year. Practice sharing when you’ll get married, when you’ll have a child, when you’ll run the marathon, when you’ll call your Mom, when you’ll go back to school, when you’ll take you’re life partner to dinner, when you’ll donate that million dollars to the charity of your passion.

And by sharing, you’ll be practicing one of the most powerful concepts I know of in life: enrolling others in your vision of the future. When you enroll others in your vision, they pitch in and support.

Imagine how much faster you’ll realize your dreams.

Happy Sharing,
-Coach Preston
http://www.breakyoursilence.com

I viewed a really interesting video yesterday. It was of Seth Godin. You may know of him; he’s written a bunch of books on marketing and branding.

It’s a five minute video on his interpretation of “fundamentalism” and “curiosity”. You can view it at http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid980097284/bctid1385253108.

Here’s what I heard, learned, and will be applying to my life:

• Fundamentalism is NOT a religious thing. It’s a way of thinking, behaving and BEING. It’s based on looking first at your belief and interpretation, then measuring an external experience to see if it fits with your belief or interpretation.
• Curiosity is the opposite. It’s a way of observing what’s happening externally, then simply asking questions about how that fits into your world, your beliefs, your interpretations, and your mission.

So, what does that mean? This is what I learned:

I have a filter called my belief system. There are things that fit inside of it and things that don’t. One of my belief systems is that liver and onions is totally gross. Another is that racism is totally gross. Both of these beliefs serve me and I keep my life predictable and safe by staying away from both. If someone asks me about either, I will share without any doubt, that I do NOT believe in liver and onions and I do NOT believe in racism. My belief is that they are both wrong. I consider myself a fundamentalist on both issues.

Now, I realize there are plenty of people who enjoy liver and onions. And, I realize there are plenty of people for whom racism serves. So what if I were to take Seth Godin’s advice and consider curiosity instead? Here’s what I see and how I can apply it to my life:

What if I were to just be curious about liver and onions? I might actually step out of my “You’ve got to be crazy to like that stuff!” and just simply be okay that there are people who truly enjoy liver and onions. My wife can’t stand cilantro and I love it. Could it be the same for liver and onions?

And, what if I were to just be curious about racism? I might stop being critical and judgmental of people who I call racist (and when I do that, isn’t it just more of the same?). Maybe if I brought curiosity to those situations when I’m present to someone being racist, I’d ask questions such as “What is this person afraid of?”, “What event occurred in his past that upset him to the point of becoming racist?”, “How can I support this person’s compassion rather than his racism?”

If I were to simply be curious about these situations, would I end up being a bigger contribution than if I were to just simply declare my fundamentalist beliefs?

So here are a few invitations for you:

• Notice when you begin sharing your opinion right away. Check in with yourself and ask, “Am I practicing my fundamentalism or my curiosity?”
• Make a list of the top 10 things you’re a “fundamentalist” about. Then ask, “What’s available for me if I were to be curious about these rather than be right about these?”
• Ask, “What part of my business am I a fundamentalist about? How is that supporting or not supporting me?”
• Be willing to make messes along the way of moving from fundamentalism to curiosity. You are completely capable of cleaning them up and it’s HIGHLY likely no one will die in the process.

Finally, it’s really just a choice. You’re welcome to be a fundamentalist and you’re welcome to be curious. Life is a wide open opportunity and you get to choose what works best for you.

Happy Questioning,

- Coach Preston

PS – If you haven’t read any of Seth’s stuff, I highly recommend looking him up and reading what he has to offer. Here’s his blog: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/