Accomplishment Coaching

Bright moments in presumed darkness

Earlier this week, I was walking to my Wednesday morning men’s group.  About eight of us gather each week to read, discuss and explore our faith.  Walking out my door I suddenly remembered I failed to get the key from the church office the day before. 

Oh, cr#*!  Oh, sh@&!  Oh, (every expletive I could muster)!  How are we going to make this work?  It’s 35 degrees at 6am on a Wednesday morning, and there are seven other guys depending on me to open up the conference center by 6:25am.  And most importantly, have the coffee ready.

So began my search – I figured there would be someone available at the church since the 6:30am Mass was soon to start.  Or a sexton would be there opening up the rest of the church.  Or by some miracle, the conference center door was left open by a previous guest.  Predictably, none of these were the case.

After my fourth trip in and around the church, I let it go.  “Give it up pal”, was all I could say.  I began walking across the street to post a hand-written sign directing folks to go a half-mile down the road to a local coffee shop.  I figured we’d start about 20 minutes late, but at least we’d meet.  I had given up faith in getting into the conference center, but I was determined to have our men’s group happen.

That’s when Jim appeared.  He’s one of the church administrators.  I see him regularly, but never on this side of the church and certainly not at this time of the morning.  I stopped to ask him if he knew of anyone who might have a key.  He smiled, reached into his pocket, handed me a key to the conference center and said, “I guess it’s your lucky day Preston”.  It was 6:21am.

Luck?

I struggle at times to understand why, in the moment we give up control, what we want actually appears; or at least a close version of it.

A friend once shared with me a definition of faith that I’ve never forgotten:

“Faith is the willingness to move forward without any visible sign it will work.”

Yet this is exactly the opposite of what our culture promotes.  The business world is constantly seeking measurements, metrics, data, analytics and historical financials to prove whether or not to take a step forward.  In other words, to prove faith?

I spent some time on LinkedIn Answers yesterday and responded to a question inquiring what “the best ROI metrics to use in analyzing an investment in social media” would be.  It dawned on me that in our quest to research this information, we’ll end up expending more resources trying to find the right answer than actually investing in our objective.

What if we were to actually practice faith in business?  What if we were to take on making bold promises for a future we want to have without seeking evidence if we could actually get there?  For most of us, this not only goes against “conventional wisdom”, but is completely scary.

Alas, perhaps that’s what true leadership really is – making bold promises, inspiring others to take action in service of that future, and holding the vision of what’s now possible once that future is realized.

Leadership Practices:

1. Write out your most outrageously delicious goal on a piece of paper.
2. List all the doubts, judgments and fears you have about making that future a reality.
3. Commit yourself to one or the other: the future you just created or your doubts, judgments and fears.
4. Enroll at least five people in your future – ask them what they’re first step might be if it where theirs.
5. Create a list of one action per day you’ll take to make that future a reality.
6. Ask for support when you feel you’re about to get stuck, not after you get stuck.
7. Relish in the joy of obtaining that future.

I once heard of a man who unrelentingly tried to sell his fried chicken recipe to restaurants; all of whom turned him away.  Based on his ROI, he was destined to fail.

Ever heard of Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Gobble-gobble,

- Coach Preston

One of the founders of the coaching industry, Thomas Leonard, came up with a list of 546 goals to keep us focused and evolving.  I wanted to share one of my favorites:

Goal No 29 – Start reading the books that will help you evolve instead of merely develop.

I’ve not shared much about the books I read and the impact they have on me – shame on me.  Perhaps one or several will make an impact on you as well.

Here are several in no particular order:

• Immunity to Change – A bright, new perspective on the idea of Context, the lens through which we see the world.  Our immunity system (physiologically speaking) is a powerful deterrent to nasty stuff.  It can also be a deterrent to the things that are good for us as well.  Not only do authors, Kegan and Lahey, offer powerful case studies, they walk you through a simple exercise to open up our immunity systems to what we do want to let in.

• Rediscovering Catholicism – You DO NOT have to be a Catholic to appreciate this book.  Matthew Kelly is one of my all-time favorite authors (Rhythm of Life is another winner).  Rediscovering Catholicism takes you on a journey of faith, exploration, and responsibility that any leader must practice.  Whatever “church” you subscribe to, a key message is that you as a leader must take the church to the people rather than demand they come to the church.

• The Last Word on Power – This is the BEST book on the concept of Context and Reinvention.  Author Tracy Goss walks with you on a journey in discovering your winning strategy, understanding your ultimate limitation as a human being, putting everything at risk, playing an impossible game and more.  This should be required reading for anyone older than 18.

• A Year with Rumi: Daily Readings – If you don’t know who Rumi is, you’re missing out.  This dude rocks – period.  Although I grew up saying “I just don’t do poetry”, Rumi has invited me to turn 180 degrees.  Coleman Barks has done a magnificent job in translating Rumi’s works to daily readings that will make an enormous difference in your life.

• The Bible (NRSV or NLT Version) – This is the ultimate leadership manual.  I have both my Catholic version as well as a life application version.  One keeps me connected to my faith translation and the other keeps me connected to using the messages of the Bible in my daily life.  I recommend investing in at least one, leather-bound Bible – don’t skimp and buy the cheap versions.

The list will go on. 

Please email me at preston@prestontrue.com with other book suggestions on leadership, faith and discovery.

Happy Evolutionary Reading,

-Coach Preston

Feel like you're one of these?

In watching a past episode of The West Wing, I was reminded of how much we want to be everyone’s friend.  Or more realistically, how frequently we avoid rocking the boat.

The scene was between Charlie Young, the President’s personal assistant and Andrew Macintosh, the White House IT (computer) guy.  In the scene, Charlie explains to Andrew that his mom, a DC cop, was shot in the line of duty not long ago.  On top of that, Charlie is working out his experience of being the target of an assassin’s unsuccessful gunshot. 

Although Andrew had recently been joking around with Charlie, the scene got very somber when, as Charlie is searching for the lesson is in these two situations, Andrew says, “You know Charlie, when they’re shooting’ at you, it means you’re doing something right.”

When they’re shooting at you, it means you’re doing something right.

How frequently have we softened our voices, turned a cheek, avoided a conversation, or just simply hidden out?

For most of us, this is how it typically goes.  We avoid speaking or sharing authentically for fear of someone disagreeing with us.  We sit in the back of the seminar room so we won’t be called upon.  We’re unfaithful to our values and create structures of mediocrity in our businesses because we refuse to have the difficult conversations.  We find ourselves saying “yes” when we really mean “no”.  We avoid, at all costs, the risk of someone shooting at us.

And we get the results commiserate with that (lack of) commitment.

So, what if we were willing to be shot at?  Actually, what if we actually embraced the idea that we’ll be shot at?  Certainly not in the literal sense; but shot by words, or judgments, or opinions.  What if we were to stand up and say “This isn’t right.” and BE responsible for it?  What if we were to have that difficult conversation?  What if we were to ask the “stupid” question?

I led a workshop recently with the medical staff of a surgeon’s group.  They hired me in to support their team in creating more effective teamwork.  Throughout the day, it was clear the conversation was getting uncomfortable as a coaching conversation will.  We were working toward identifying the root of the individualism that permeates this organization.  With just an hour left in the day, someone finally spoke up.  She said, “The reason we will never truly succeed as a team is because there is zero trust in this organization.”

The proverbial dropped pin made a huge sound.

In saying that, this team member risked being shot at.  And she was.  But that one declaration created a huge shift in the day.  The root of their challenges was identified and brought into daylight.  A powerful conversation was opened and the team got access to a new opportunity (gifting trust) to bring back to work on Monday.

That opportunity would have never risen had someone not been willing to do the right thing… simply speak what she saw.

So what’s possible for you as a leader if you were to put aside your fear of being shot?

Leadership Practices:

1. Identify the three most dangerous conversations you can have with family, employees or friends.
2. Have one of them this week.
3. Notice what you can and can’t be with (resist or not) about these conversations.
4. Look up the dictionary definition of “gift”.  Do you offer your trust based on that definition?
5. For one week, journal about your experience with being dangerous.  Where do you jump into danger?  Where do you avoid it?
6. Invite one of your employees, colleagues or business associates to share three ideas on how you can improve your leadership.  If they share “softballs”, consider you’ve created a relationship with little trust (“if you shoot me, I’ll shoot you”).  If they share the “hardballs”, consider you’ve created trust (“I’ll be okay if you shoot”).

Someone asked me once what I thought the most dangerous job in the world was.  After pondering six or seven different careers, it became clear it wasn’t about the actual job function.  The most dangerous job in the world is being a leader.

Lead dangerously,

- Coach Preston

Can I trust this?

Yet again, LinkedIn Answers creates fuel for thought.  These three questions were asked recently and brought up a powerful conversation about trust:

There are likely a million ways to answer these.  Here are two:

• “Deciding” to trust is actually an oxymoron.
• Trust is a gift you give, not one you get.

First, if you consider the roots of the word “decision”, you’ll find it’s defined as “to kill” (i.e. “de” = of, “cide” = to kill or killer).  When we “decide” to trust, we actually build a case with evidence of whether someone or something is trustworthy or not.  If we find evidence they are trustworthy, we’ll trust them.  If we find evidence otherwise, we’ll figuratively “kill them off” (not trust them).

Second, consider that we as human beings are actually already related 100% in everyway possible.  We have hearts that love, lungs that energize and dreams that pull us forward.  In other words, we’re the same thing, regardless of culture, skin color or ideology.

But it’s our minds that mess us up, especially around trust.  Our minds create, store and fuel our stories.  Stories about how Bob didn’t do what he said he would when he said he would do it.  Stories about how Sally’s upbringing makes her a mean person.  Stories about how someone did something that didn’t meet my expectation so now they’re untrustworthy.

This is all a farce.  Our stories are simply interpretations of how things went or will go.  Our stories are a completely unreliable source of truth.  Our stories are exactly what keep us from trusting one another.

So, perhaps what there is to do is simply offer our trust as a gift.  When we offer it as a gift, we:

• give our trust without a story
• give our trust without killing anything or anyone off
• build our ability to be with risk
• create powerful relationships
• empower the person we give trust to follow thru without the fear of negative consequences

Yes, trust truly is a powerful tool as is a hammer.  Both can be used to build and to destroy.  Practice giving your trust as a gift and you might be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Leadership Practices:

• Choose three people this week to whom you’ll offer your trust as a gift (i.e. with no expectation of repayment)
• Journal about your experience; the struggle, the doubt, the anxiety, the stories and the results
• Rinse and repeat.

Happy Gifting,

- Coach Preston

This past weekend, I had an amazing experience.  I spent the entire weekend with 11 other men on a retreat about an hour north of Detroit.

Amidst the cheeseburgers, chips, 18 pots of coffee and proverbial “how YOU doin’?”, was authenticity and transparency like I’ve never seen in a group of men before.  I’m more accustomed to rank humor and bravado.  There’s nothing wrong with those things… but I’ve learned those really don’t serve me anymore.

The intent of the weekend was to help us distinguish the “stories” we have about ourselves.  About where we are in comparison to where we want to be.  About what’s running our lives in comparison to what we’d like to run our lives.  About how we live in the context (or framework) of someone elses’ story in comparison to our own OR the story that best prepares us to really be men.

You see as a man, I’ve come to learn some behaviors that, historically, seem to have served me.  Self-protection, arrogance and competition have won many battles for me.  I’ve covered up plenty of mistakes, let folks know that I’m okay even when I’m not (“Don’t need your help thanks.”), and made sure I came in first place regardless of the consequences.

What I see now is that a life led that way is a life of pure exhaustion.

This past weekend actually got me to ask the question, “If that’s not the story I truly want, then whose story AM I living?”  “What story do I want to live?”  “What if I were to take on being transparent, humble and open-hearted?”  “What if I took on not having ALL the answers?”

Some of you reading this (perhaps especially if you’re in business) may feel I’ve gone off a deep end.  That’s okay… you’re entitled to believe that and it’s likely you’re not to the point of exhaustion upon which I’ve arrived.

Except, coming back to work on Monday morning has been really refreshing this week.  Although the email in-box is overloaded, there’s a breakdown with one of my teams and a client who’s suffering through some big challenges, there’s something different about today.

As a business owner, leader and man, I now see my ability to create the life and business I want doesn’t depend on my ability to protect, control or “win”.  It depends on my willingness to practice always being of service, sharing 100% of me (the good, bad and ugly), and getting connected by creating relationships from heart rather than ego.

Leadership Practices for you to consider:

1. Notice where you’re inclined to hide, ignore or avoid issues and conversations.  Be curious about what you want to hide from others.  Take on sharing just one of those things this week.
2. Count how many really close friends you have… the type of friends you could share ANYTHING with.  If the number you come up with is disappointing, ask yourself “How much longer can I do my life entirely on my own?”
3. Notice where you dominate conversations, relationships and situations.  Ask yourself “What chaos am I trying to dominate”.  Consider the things we call “chaotic” have some of the greatest lessons inside.  Take on just being with a conversation, relationship or situation rather than trying to fix it or figure it out.

Regardless of gender, consider that a life (and business) operating from protection, control and competition is short-lived at best.  On the best day, you’ll get ONLY what those things offer (fear, running, resisting and avoiding).

Perhaps there’s a different story for you.

Happy Editing,

-Coach Preston