Accomplishment Coaching

Last week, I had the opportunity to meet a senior executive at one of the three auto manufacturers.  I won’t disclose which one it was above and beyond the blue oval logo.  I was looking forward to a powerful conversation uncovering what’s possible for their business managers in taking on leadership coaching.

I had an 11am appointment and was sitting in the lobby at 10:45am.  Enjoying the all glass view overlooking the grounds, I was imagining how this meeting would go.  I said to myself, “They’ll hire me.  I’ll enroll them in huge possibility and they’ll be clambering to start.”  About two minutes later, Jack, a slender, middle-aged gentleman in an expensive, neatly pressed suit, was standing to my side.

When we got to his office, we began an enjoyable conversation.  After learning about one another, we turned our conversation to coaching. Then Jack asked me what “process I used.”  I thought “process”?  Hmm, I hadn’t really thought about my coaching like that.  Then he asked again, “Okay, so what’s your process”?  [Gulp]  Is it getting hot in here?  Did I miss something?  Is there a hidden question inside this question?  So I pretty much repeated what I said earlier.  He then asked, “I understand what you do.  So what’s your process”?  At that point, I was searching for the eject button.  It’s not supposed to be going this way!  Help!

I can’t believe this.  I’m screwed.  Here I am with a senior executive of (blue oval car company) and I can’t answer a simple question?!  I am TOTALLY SCREWED! 

Then it hit me.  I was here to bring possibility and power to a management team through coaching them into leadership and here I was barely able to stay afloat in a simple conversation.  Forget leadership.  I wanted someone else to have the answers.  I wanted someone else to lead. 

But there’s no one else – just me and Jack. 

So I asked myself, if one of my clients was in this situation, how would I coach him/her?  In the middle of struggling to find the answer, I looked over Jack’s shoulder to his bookcase.  One book stood out, The Authentic Leader. 

There was my answer. 

“So Jack, I’d like to check in with you.  How’s this interview going?”  He replied, “Preston, I really appreciate your concepts and it’s clear you have some powerful stuff.  And I wouldn’t hire you to work with my top executives.  They’d eat you up and spit you out in a few minutes.  However, I’d like to speak with you more about the next leadership level under them.  That’s how this interview is going.”  Only one response came to mind, “Jack, thanks so much.  This conversation has been some of the best training I’ve gotten since I opened my business.”

We shook hands and Jack walked me back to the lobby.  This was the first time I got rejected and DID NOT leave with my tail between my legs.

Confronting situations have deep lessons in them if you just take a moment to look.  My lesson was this… Making Messes is Leadership 101. 

In other words, I had one vision of how this meeting was to go and it went the other way… it was a mess.  However, had I not had that invaluable experience, I would never:

a) take action to create a detailed outline of my coaching process,

b) take the coaching and training that was available in the moment and,

c) have the courage to walk into any executive office of all the other large companies in Detroit to talk about coaching. 

So what about you?  What mess are you protecting yourself from?  What mess, if created tomorrow, would be the leadership breakthrough for which you’re waiting?

When pursuing leadership, consider that Making Messes is Leadership 101.

Happy Mess-Making,

- Coach Preston

I received an email this morning from a friend.  In it was one of those powerful and heartfelt stories about noticing and having compassion for people and situations.  It was a story that inspired action.

Except for one thing.

Instead of using the power of the “story” to create and inspire action, this document used a threat.  Here’s my best recollection, “If you delete this after reading… you’ll spend a year of ill luck.”  Boy, I’m pretty inspired.

I could get into a rant about how the underlying, inspiring message of this story was completely corrupted by an act of aggression, but I’ll save that for another day.

Instead, let’s take a look at how this could be a learning tool.  Take a moment to ask the following questions:

• Where do you inspire others with your heart? 
• Or, where do you get others into action using threats?

I’ll reflect on my own life as a parent.  The other day, my six year old son and I were playing kickball in the front yard.  He whalloped the ball into the street and made a bee line toward it to retrieve the ball.  I immediately yelled, “Don’t you dare go into that street!”  What I noticed was it got him to stop, but the look on his face told me a different story.

“Daddy, why are you yelling at me?” he said.  In that moment, I realized that the danger didn’t exist in the street.  It existed in my relationship with my son.  I was a complete threat to him.  And he was confused.

Here’s another approach I could have taken.  I could have talked to Henry before we started playing.  I could have asked him what we might do should the ball make it into the street.  I could have asked him what dangers he perceived the street presented.  Then I could have had him choose from what he understood.  When I’ve done that in the past, he’s consistently chosen action that works for both of us.

Some coaching practice or fieldwork for you to consider (don’t worry, no threat here):

1. Recall the last conversation you had with an employee, client, family member or friend in which you offered a choice or gave direction.
2. Ask yourself the following:  Did I create an opportunity to choose from possibility or from threat?
3. Based on the answer to that question, consider the impact of either – possibility or threat.
4. For the next week, pay attention to your conversations.  Keep a tally of the number of times you make requests or offer choices from possibility and from threat.  Keep record of the results for each.

What you find may or may not surprise you.  Either way, commit to taking action not around the “how” you go about making requests or offering choices.  But take action around the result you’d like to see those requests or offers produce.

As familiar and comfortable as it may be to take action from threat, you may be pleasantly surprised by how big the results are when you take action from possibility.

Don’t forget this, or else!!!!  “-)

Happy Heart,

-Coach Preston