Accomplishment Coaching

No, this isn’t going to be a Sunday morning sermon. It’s actually a simple call to action.

On Monday evening, while visiting a neighbor, my two-year old daughter lost her footing on a staircase and took a head-first, free-fall dive from about five feet onto a concrete floor. I watched the entire event from the top of the stairs, restraining myself from throwing up when I saw her hit the floor and do a backward somersault that would have shattered any 40 year olds’ cervical vertebrae.

The two of us spent the next five hours in the emergency room with doctors and nurses studying, asking lots of questions, poking and asking more questions. As bad as her fall seemed, having to tie her up to immobilize her for the CT scan was worse.

I was pissed that night. I kept asking “why did this happen to her”? This beautiful, innocent creature was violently subjected to the law of gravity and now looks like a victim of a barroom fight.

Then I went to a really ugly, but (at the time) logical place. “What did I do that day or yesterday that caused this to happen”? I began blaming myself for flipping off the guy who cut me off at the intersection earlier that day. I blamed myself for giving the “evil eye” to a woman who just stopped in the middle of the road because she was having difficulty talking on her cell phone and driving at the same time. I blamed myself for not “seeing” that there was a potentially dangerous situation with a basement staircase that had no banister. I was ready to throw myself down a flight of stairs.

Then my wife shared one of the most amazing ideas I heard that evening. She said, “Preston, have you considered that accidents will just happen? That, as crazy as it seems, we will be hurt or injured through no fault or intention of anyone or anything”? This was a bit much for me to be with at first, but then I realized I just received some breakthrough coaching.

How often is it that we blame ourselves for circumstances, situations or events that we DO NOT have control over? In fact, what do we have control over?

My wife’s questions helped me to explore what I was really pissed about – it really wasn’t that my daughter fell (as horrible as that experience was). It was that her fall represented a fear that’s been in the background for years…”I’m never prepared because I’m not good enough”. Think that’s had an impact on my life?

It sure has and here are a few examples of the impact: a) I consistently sabotaged relationships by stepping all over other people in my quest to be “prepared”, b) I avoided taking risks in creating bold futures since playing it safe made “not being prepared” true (I got to be “right”), and c) I was so rarely present to the special people in my life since I was consistently on my quest to “be prepared” and not just “be with” those I love.

So Monday night was not only an awakening for how quickly I can fly down a flight of stairs to my daughter’s rescue, but it reminded me and reinforced for me how quickly we punish ourselves for what’s happened in the past.

So what is there to do?

Consider taking on the practice of simply forgiving yourself for your past. That’s right, just simply forgiving yourself. There is tremendous power in forgiveness as it allows us to GIVE UP our disempowering interpretation of how “it should have, ought to or was supposed to happen”. Consider it actually brings us out from swimming in our past to being in the present. And when we’re present, we are focused on what we have now, where we are now, who we’re with now and allows us to create our future WITHOUT the burden called our past.

The words of my dear coach have been playing over and over in my head this week, “Consider that FORGIVENESS is defined as ‘giving up your right to have a different past’”. I was so bull-headed about wishing I had a different past that my life was happening without me. I prefer participating in my life.

Lessons occur in the strangest places. And yes, my daughter is just fine.

Happy Forgiving,
-Preston

How many times have you heard a business colleague, friend or neighbor say “I am so stressed out”? Or perhaps “I sure hope things get better”. And one of my favorites, “I’m trying like heck to make things work”. We’ve heard those statements time and again. We’ve also most likely used them ourselves.

Here’s the “Three Dollar Question”: How often do those statements prove to be effective in moving your businesses or life forward?

In my opinion, not much. Sharing that I’m “stressed” out perhaps buys some sympathy. Sharing that I “hope” things will get better will sometimes garner some support. Letting others know I’m “trying” might have some of them fooled into thinking I’m actually working.

Consider that the words we use, or our language, are the greatest determining factor in our ability to create success or create misery. We describe our world, we see our world and we interact with our world through words, or our language. When we speak, we bring actions, things and people into existence. For example, if I were to say to someone, “I sure would like to go to dinner with my wife Natalie”, going to dinner with Natalie will not happen until I speak those words.

Now how do you think this concept applies to your business, career or life? Let’s find out.

I’m going to provide 11 words with possible definitions that, in the world of coaching, are considered “dirty words.” Write them down and keep track of how frequently you use these words over the course of one week and then record the consequences of using them. To be clear, the word “consequence” does not mean “bad.” There are consequences to EVERYTHING we do, both positive and negative.

Here we go…

1) WHY – automatic, past based response
2) LUCKY – fortunate, favored by circumstances; not responsible
3) HONEST – feeling from fear and self defense
4) TRUTH – whose truth?
5) HOMEWORK – people either try to do it perfectly to please, wait until last minute or avoid altogether
6) DON’T / STOP – automatic response – e.g. “You’re not the boss of me.”
7) HELP – implies weakness and need – resentment is imminent
TRY – making an effort to achieve – there is no commitment and there is always a fall back position; “Well, I tried.”
9) HOPE – external, based on outside circumstances, forces and people
10) STRESS / PRESSURE – internal conversation, based on outside circumstances, forces and people
11) THE ANSWER – implies there is only one “right” answer

Instead of using the above, consider using the following replacements…

1) WHAT – “What can I do to move forward?”
2) RESPONSIBLE – “I created this outcome because I was responsible.”
3) COURAGE – “I have the courage to move forward.”
4) OPINION – “This is my opinion, it’s not the truth.”
5) ACTION – “Here is the action I will take to move forward.”
6) CAUSE – “I am at cause for producing these results.”
7) SUPPORT – “Would you support me in this project?”
BE – “I will be responsible”, or “I will be a leader.”
9) CREATE – “I will create the job of my dreams.”
10) ENERGY – “I feel tremendous energy in this situation.”
11) POSSIBILITY – “Here is one possibility.”

After tracking you’re speaking for one week, take a look at what’s occurred in your business, your career search or your life. Where have things worked out? Where have things not worked out? In which areas of your business, career or life will you now be courageous and take action? In what areas would you like support?

Have some fun with this. Get your tongue all twisted up. Stop hoping and start creating. Stop trying and start being. Stop asking why and start asking what. Stop telling everyone you have the answer and start sharing possibilities.

You’ve probably heard the old cliché, “You are what you eat?” It’s funny how accurate that might actually be. The only thing I might change is “We are what we speak.”

Happy Communicating,
-Preston